I don't feel like the age of 60, which is what I am, to be old. I used to think that my parents were old at that age, but now that I am, I no longer think this. However, I am unfortunately having to face the fact that I am getting older physically. Due to my chronic illnesses I feel much older. I often told people that I feel like I am 30 on the inside, I am 60 by the calendar, but now I feel like I am 80.
My energy level is very low. My stamina minimal. My pain level high. My mental capabilities slowed. Sounds like an aged person; an old lady, huh! Well it stinks! One that doesn't have the energy or desire to do things that came naturally to her all of her life. I know that everyone gets older but I feel that I am aging much faster than I would normally.
It is so frustrating, depressing, and discouraging to want to be who you used to be and you just don't have what it takes to get there. It is the same when you want to be more that you have ever been and just don't have it in you. Study? I can't hardly read an article and definitely struggle reading books, because my brain can only absorb so much at a time. For someone that used to be an avid reader, it's unbelievable. Now I even am struggling singing due to a weakened vocal cord! Singing is like breathing to me. How do you not breath? How do you not sing? I have no idea! It's like losing part of my soul.
In other words, I have lost myself to illness and age! It does STINK!
