Discernment

As I've said before, I recently attended a workshop on how to identify your Charisms, spiritual gifts.  Based on 120 questions, my top gifts were Writing, Music, Faith, Craftsmanship, and Encouragement.  These all made since to me.  Part of the workshop, was an opportunity to sign up for an interview with an expert on discernment of your gifts and I happened to be assigned to one of the facilitators of our workshop.  That interview was today.

The interview lasted for one hour.  We identified what the top 6 gifts that I scored in and discussed those.  She asked for specific examples and then further questioned me from there.  She gradually tied it all together into a summary of what she was hearing.  She said that my Charisms were encouragement and evangelism and that my other gifts of writing, music, and craftsmanship were carriers of the true Charisms.  She also said that I was a natural spiritual director.

I know that I share my faith a lot and speak to others about how Jesus has impacted my life and what He has to offer to everyone.  I had never really thought about this as evangelism.  It's just who I am.  I get encouragement because it is also something I do naturally.  When I really think about it, she nailed it.  For the workshop, they had told us that your true Charisms are those gifts that when you use them, you feel energized, you feel joy, and you feel at home.  This is very true.  Encouraging others and talking about Jesus are things I feel called to do.  It is something that burns in my heart and that I could never not do.

I have considered the idea of becoming a spiritual director but have never been sure that I have it in me to do the formation required to get there.  I will have to do more discernment about that on my own and pray, pray, pray!  Please pray for me also.

I do hope to continue to use this venue to encourage others in their journey and to spread the Good News of Jesus Christ.  He is the Son of God.  He came to earth to teach us and to take away our sins.  He died to wash us clean.  He rose to give us the hope of everlasting life.  He did not promise us it would be easy here.  He did promise that He would always be with us and that some day we will join Him in Heaven.  "I Can Only Imagine"!

Three in One

As I approach my 60th birthday and look back on my life, I don't see just one life.  I see three.  The person that I am today is not the same person I was in my youth, nor in the middle portion of my life.

When I look at the first 20 years of my life, I see a little tomboy that loved to shadow her dad and granddad.  I see a hurt little girl that silently tried to deal with the experience of sexual abuse.  A little girl that lived an internally solitary life.  She played with her cousins and her animals, went to school, did all the normal things, while always feeling separate and different.

I remember a teenager that was very alone.  I was bullied mercilessly at school and at home.  I remember a girl that wore lot's of makeup to hide behind.  I remember feeling angry and bitter and useless.  I especially remember the impact of my grandfather's suicide.  I often considered it myself, but he saved me as I knew that pain that it left behind.  But then at 20, I found Jesus in a new and personal way.

From then on my life was different.  I was not alone.  A new phase began.  Although I took a lot of wrong turns and went through some hard times, he always carried me through.  I made some lifelong friends that have also carried me through and are still there for me today.  I met my husband and became a stepmom.  I worked from the age 19 until I had to quit due to my health at 52.  He carried me through the adjustments of a blended family and the stressors of work.  I have met some amazing people through being involved in Christian groups and have grown exponentially along the way.

In the last few years, I feel like I have grown significantly more through the ACTS program, through my prayer group, through my own exploration and self-reflection.  I feel like I finally am becoming myself and being whom He created me to be.  I have enough confidence now to not let anyone make me feel less than.  I have a peace within me that knows what I know.  I know that the Lord had created me to be me and that He has provide me with all I need.  I know that I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go.  Through the ACTS retreat I attended, I know how deeply my God loves me and how He loves me right where I am as I am.  Does that give me a pass?  No!?  It only makes me want to be better, to do more in order to glorify His name.

As I go forward into this phase of my life, I will continue to rest in my faith and my trust in God no matter what comes my way.  I will continue to lean on Jesus when I grow weary.  I will continue to look to the Holy Spirit for guidance and rejoice with Him when things go well.  I can see where this Holy Trinity has been with me all along.  God, The Father in the beginning.  Jesus, The Lord throughout, and The Holy Spirit carrying me on!

To God Be The Glory!!!

All In

I am currently planning my own 60th birthday party.  I have never truly had one.  I figured that turning 60 was a big milestone, so I was entitled.  I was telling a friend about the plans for the party.  She commented that I was really going all out with the plans.  I simply said, "That's what I do."

Any time I decide to commit to something, I am all in!  I don't just dip my toe in the water.  I dive in!
Once when I was in counseling, my therapist said "I have never had someone work this program as quickly as you".  I dove in.

Whenever I commit to a relationship, I am all in. For example, I have a broken relationship that I am dealing with currently.  Because of a decision I made, this person has turned away from me and only communicates with me when necessary.  I have reached out on multiple occasions to no avail.  It is polite but no effort is made on their part to reciprocate.  This individual has lied to me, has left me out of important events, has been within minutes of my home too many times to count without even giving me a call.  In all of this, I have continued to love them, have continued to want a relationship with them, to look forward not back.  All in.

Anytime I have a passion about something, I am "All In".  My ministries that I am involved with at church.  My love of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and my desire to tell others about Him.  With my husband, my children, my grandchildren I am "All In".

Though I have health issues that are sometimes an obstacle to doing all I would like to do, I do my best to be there for others in whatever way I can.

A lot of people don't get me.  They don't get my passion.  They don't get my sensitivity.  They don't understand my honesty.  They don't accept that I am ill, not a wimp or lazy.  I AM NOT A WIMP!  Before my illnesses kicked in, I could and would outdo anyone.  Since my illnesses, I have had to let my old self go and accept my new reality of having to pace myself and admit that there are some things I can't do.

Fortunately, I do have one friend that totally gets me and accepts me for who I am.  She and I have been friends since our senior year in high school.  Being with her is so easy because I can just be myself without having to live up to any expectations.  She is a blessing to me.

I have been created to be All In.  If there is something or someone that you are passionate about, don't be afraid to dive in! To be All In.

Words To Live By

The scripture below are the words I live by.  I attended a day retreat where I discovered this scripture in a new way.  I was able to truly apply it to myself.  I am called by God because of my love of Him and His for me. He created me for a purpose.  He has a plan for my life.  He created me to be me.  I am perfectly made in that He made me.  He has fully equipped me for the path he had laid for me.  I am a conqueror in that I do not fear the world.  I know that whatever comes my way, He is with me.  He has been with me, He is with me, He will be with me no matter what.

All of my life I was told that I was too honest, I was too independent, I was too passionate, that I was too this and too that!  Or on the other hand, that I was not enough in so many ways.  I often bought in to others opinions about me.  What do they know?!  I know my heart and God knows it perfectly.  He created me to be honest, independent, passionate, creative, etc.  I am exactly who I am supposed to be and I claim that now.  I will not let anyone make me feel less than.  The only one that can judge me in any way and that is God, My Creator.  He loves me and is a merciful God.  He sent His only Son to die for me.

Did you know that if you were the only person on earth, He would have still send Jesus to die for your sins so that you would have the hope of salvation?!  So that you can have a personal relationship with Him because He loves you so much and unconditionally.  You are His creation and He is with you always.  He has given you The Holy Spirit to be your guide and provide you with the gifts and power to access to accomplish your purpose.

Praise to The Father, The Son, & The Holy Spirit!

Romans 8:28-38New American Standard Bible (NASB)

28 And we know that [a]God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; 30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? 33 Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; 34 who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was [b]raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. 35 Who will separate us from the love of [c]Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 Just as it is written,

“For Your sake we are being put to death all day long;
We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,

Victim to Victory

We have all experience difficulty in our lives and many of us are dealing with difficulty today.  We have a choice.  Do we want to dwell on the difficulties of the past?  Do we want to live in the hurt and roundedness?  Is that truly who we are?  Do we want to learn from all of the times we were hurt, rejected, unloved, betrayed, whatever?   Or do we want to keep carrying all of that heavy baggage?

I have been a victim.  I have lived as a victim.  A victim of abuse, rejection, betrayal and feeling unloved.  It was only when I chose to step out of myself did I decide that I was no longer going to be a victim.  I was tired of carrying all that hurt and the people with it on my shoulders.  It was time to put it all down.  I sought help to do this.  I sought help from a professional counselor.  I sought help from close friends.  And most of all, I sought help from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Through all of this I have slowly, but surely taken many of those heavy bags I was carrying and set them down.  There are still some I work on continuously and these are getting lighter and lighter.  Thanks to The Lord, I have been able to choose to forgive others and myself.  I have been able to choose to love myself and to learn to love others too.  I have been able to choose to let down the walls I had so expertly constructed and become more vulnerable.  YES, it does open you to more hurt, but it also opens you to more love.  And once you have done the work, the hurts come less often and the love more so.

Does forgiveness happened overnight?  It can, but most often it's a process over time that is worked over and over again.  The most effective way I have found to forgive is to pray for the person that hurt you.  It's hard to hate someone for whom you are praying.  Reminding myself that God loves that person just as much as He does me also helps.  Trying to understand that the other person is wounded also and has probably acted out of that woundedness allows me to see them in a different light.  Most bad behavior on anyone's part is born out of fear; the same fears all of us have.

Another choice I have made is to think bigger; to get outside of my box or comfort zone.  What is the purpose for which The Lord has created me?  How do I discover, discern this?  First, I pray.  Then, I listen for His voice.  Once I hear His voice, I am able to make sure it is His voice by the amount of peace I feel.  I know that I am in His will if I am at peace about it and not still questioning.  I have an assuredness that I know can only come from Him.

Through this process and so much more choices made every day, I have gone from being a victim and living like a victim to feeling victorious.  Victorious by the Grace of God in overcoming much of my woundedness.   Victorious in learning how to be fearless in stepping out in faith that I can do all things with Christ by my side.

Do I have setbacks?  Absolutely!  But all I have to do is go back to The Lord and He gets me back on track more quickly each time.

This blog is part of that stepping out and exploring my writing abilities and how those might inspire others.  The journey with The Lord is an adventure for sure, but He will lead you to Victory!

Bye-Bye Baggage!!!  Hello Victory and Freedom!!!

Negative Christian

I have had my times of negativity in the past, but as I have come to know Jesus and grown in my love for Him and in my faith, I do my best to always look for the positive, for the silver lining.  Being a Christian and being negative is an oxymoron.  The simply cannot coexist.  It's not to say that there aren't time when I get down, or question, or don't think too positively about someone's behavior.

When I get down, I allow myself a little "pity party" and then I get over myself, pull myself up by the boot straps and move on.  When I question, I remember all the promises The Lord has made and I hope and trust in Him.  When someone gets on my nerves or behaves badly, I try to imagine what they might be dealing with or what they have been through, instead of just writing them off as wrong or bad like I used to do.

All of us are created from Love for Love.  We have been given hope and faith.  We just have to choose and use it when confronted with difficult situations or people.  In difficult situations, I always ask the Holy Spirit what it is I need to learn from the circumstance.  With difficult people, I try to remember that they too are created by God and He loves them just as much as He does me.  I try to put myself in their shoes.  Admittedly. I don't do as well on this as I should. but I do try.

The more and more that I came to know The Lord and love Him the more and more positive I become in all things.  I used to be extremely negative but He truly has redeemed my life.  He continues constantly to redeem every part of me.  I am far from where I need to be, but thanks to Him, I am far from where I used to be.

I extremely blessed to have a supportive husband and family, to have a large supportive church community and really great friends.  Best of all, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is my best friend, the love of my life, my teacher, my comforter, my everything.  Without Him, I am nothing, I have nothing.  He loves this work in progress unconditionally!

With all of this, how can I be negative?  With Him, how can anyone?

Trust Him.  He will show you the silver lining, the end of the rainbow, the best in you.  He is always there at your disposal.  HE LOVES YOU!