I'm am writing this with at most 2 hours of fitful sleep so I may not make much sense. Not sure why I initially couldn't sleep but then that burgeoned into pain which led to how do I reduce that enough to fall asleep. Therefore, enter Mr. Ben Gay! Helps to trick my brain to focus on the burn instead of the pain. I think I slept a little between 3 and 5 because I did dream some. In the dream, that made no sense, I remember trying to get everyone's attention and no matter what I did, no one saw me or if they did, simply overlooked me. Ever feel that way in your life? Overlooked? Invisible?
In reality, I think that we are all overlooked and invisible to most people, even to ourselves. Most people see only the "public" us which includes the assumptions, judgements, stereotypes, and perspectives from their world view. It also includes the persona that we choose to allow others to see. The safe persona that doesn't expose the real us to others. And as for us, we often see ourselves as the person that others say we are and/or remain only at the level of the actor on this stage of life that we portray to the world.
Who are we really? In in today's Gospel, Mk 3:31-35, Jesus calls us His mother, His brother, His sister. He says that whoever does the will of God is part of His family. I don't know about you but that excites me! That I am chosen by Him and if I but follow Him, I belong to His family. That is who I want to be.
I don't know too many people that come from perfect families of origin. Actually, I don't know anyone that does. I certainly didn't. Did I love them? Did they love me? Absolutely! But that was and is an imperfect love. Only His love is perfect and something to be desired. Do we strive for that love? Or do we spend all of our time pretending we are something we are not or trying to fit someone else's mold? I want to be all that He created me to be so that I might be worthy of being called His!
How do I get there? Only through the power of the Holy Spirit within will I be able to attain that goal. It is through discovering and connecting with Him that I will have the strength, courage, and grace that it takes to do God's will. In this season of my life, I sense that He is calling me to listen more to His inner voice, to draw upon and be obedient to that voice, and most of all, to love better.
We all have been hurt and walk around wounded with bandages that look and act more like walls. Fortresses around our hearts. I think only Our Lord can nurse us back to health so that we might allow those to fall away. And by doing so, to be willing and able to love better. To love without fear knowing that we are not alone and that no matter what, He will always love us. He can't not love us because He is love and we belong to Him.
Then how are we to love better? What is it that I need to do? Again, I feel that by tapping in to the Holy Spirit within, allowing Him to speak to my heart and mind, that I can be who God created me to be and learn to love without fear and with abandon. Oh, Lord, that you might heal our broken hearts, that we might love You better and through that love, love one another as members of the family of God.
Only His love will free me to be my authentic self. To be the beautiful butterfly that He brings out of the dark cocoon with wings that are His work of art with pattern and color, to fly high on the winds of His Holy Spirit leading us to our final destination, into the arms of Jesus! Amen!
I close now because as you can see from the comments above, I've got work to do! Spread your wings and fly brother and sisters!
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